'Unfaithfully Yours' // Time Magazine Seeks to Make...Marriage Matter Again (?)

The July 13, 2009 issue of Time featured a cover story, "Why Marriage Matters", in which author Caitlin Flanagan observes and comments on the alarmingly-increasing apathy of most Americans toward the institution of marriage. I was very surprised to see such a prominent coverage from the media elite over the eroding of, as the cover stated, "our most sacred institution." Ms. Flanagan is a gifted writer who outlines the problem through penetrating analysis.

She writes: "No other single force is causing as much measurable hardship in this country as the collapse of marriage." She first cites the recent extra-marital affairs of South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford and former presidential candidate John Edwards. Both men violated the vows of their marriage and had emotional/sexual relationships with women younger than their wives. Both men apologized publicly. Flanagan noticed an omission from these apologies and the seemingly countless others like them: "The one thing both men refused to admit was that, back in the heyday of these affairs, they must have been having a blast."

After reciting portions of the praise-laden emails sent between the respective adulterous couples:

"[The adulterous couples'] actions were so blatantly self-centered...These two humanitarians were engaged not only in worshipping each other's high-mindedness but also in destroying another woman's home, hobbling her children emotionally and setting her up for humiliation of titanic proportion...Adultery is not about sex or romance. Ultimately, it is about how little we mean to one another."

She also addresses the psychological distress and damage divorce brings upon children, citing that "few things hamper a child as much as not having a father at home." Flanagan cites feminist sociologist Maria Kefalas: "Women always tell me, 'I can be a mother and a father to a child,' but it's not true" Growing up without a father has deep psychological effects on a child. "The mom may not need a man," Kefalas says, "but her children still do."

This is a fascinating analysis considering the source. The ideology of most modern feminists is that men are not needed in any capacity for a woman or children to be successful. A biblical worldview would call each man who marries to love his wife as much as Jesus Christ loves His church. Women, as children of God, are to be cherished, built up, and protected by men. Unless a man or woman is called and gifted by God to remain single, then they should seek to marry for life so that they might experience in marriage a testimony of the grace and love of God.

There also seems to be an increasing awareness in secular circles of a truth many Christians know from Scripture: that the father is the crucial factor in the development of children. That is, a father in a stable, loving marriage to a woman. Co-habitation, writes Flanagan, doesn't never works. She cites Heritage Foundation research fellow Robert Rector,"When children are born into a co-habitating, unmarried relationship...they arrive in a family in which the principals haven't resolved their most basic issues," such as those of sexual fidelity and how to share responsibilities. Flanagan writes that once stress enters into a co-habitation situation "things start to fall apart." And then the man, she writes, "is out the door."

On the subject of marriage and children, Flanagan refers to the recent high-profile bust up of Jon and Kate Gosselin of Jon and Kate Plus Eight fame. Flanagan admits to enjoying the show in its initial episodes because she saw it as "an enterprise dedicated not to making [Jon and Kate] happy but to taking care of a cavalcade of children they had produced, that they were laboring at something more significant than their own pleasure." But began to detest the spectacle the show had become, especially after the couple decided to divorce over indiscretion.

Jon still claimed to love the kids after he'd had a fling with another woman, but the couple filed for divorce. "As though loving the kids and doing right by them were unrelated events," observes Flanagan. And in this statement she pinpoints a hypocrisy of our divorce-happy culture: divorcees claim to love the children, but are unwilling to do what is best for them by working through their marital issues, forgiving the other, learning to trust again, and then continue to raise their children together in the way they should go.

Flanagan calls for a true introspection on the part of readers to decide "What is the purpose of marriage?" writes, "America's obsession with high-profile marriage flameouts -- the Gosselins and the Sanfords and the Edwardses -- reflects collective ambivalence toward the institution."

And to drive her point home, she asks the reader to consider their own future,

"The current generation of children, the one watching commitments between adults snap like dry twigs and observing parents who simply can't be bothered to marry each other and who hence drift in and out of their children's lives -- that's the generation who will be taking care of us when we are old."

Flanagan writes, "A lasting marriage is the reward...of hard work and self-sacrifice." This is as close as she comes to providing any an answer to the cover's promise for a plan to might make marriage matter again. She is right in asserting selfishness as the reason a partner or partners walk away from the commitment of marriage. Sin entered our world and has stripped us of the ability to be truly selfless. The only hope for marriage is that both partners come to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ; that He is supreme in both partners lives, inspiring the sacrificing love He Himself inspired when he gave up His life on a cross and then rose again to show Himself supreme over all. Marriage exists as perhaps the greatest vehicle of sanctification, of helping us learn to love another as Christ loves us, with all our fears, foibles, and outright failures.

I am with Flanagan wholeheartedly in this, her article's closing statement: "What we teach about the true meaning of marriage will determine a great deal about our fate." With this soberly in mind, we move on as a culture to consider what will be our defining statement on marriage. And our future.

Reflections from England: June 17-30, 2009

There is always more work to be done.

This is a conviction under which I constantly labor in ministry. The balance is knowing when to take a God-directed Sabbath to reflect, recharge, and recognize all the ways the Lord has worked in recent days. And then get ready to go full tilt all over again.

Never have these statements been more true to me than over the past two weeks of mission work in England and the past two days that I have been home. A large part of me feels it is torn between two countries as I fell in love with the people of England; the believers we were privileged to meet and minister alongside became fast friends and partners for Kingdom work. And that is a testament to the spirit of unity that can only exist among fellow believers in Christ Jesus. We came together for the gospel and what follows here are my own personal reflections on two weeks that will forever have an effect on my life and ministry.

"This is a country that has pretty thoroughly rejected the Gospel..."

These are the words of an English pastor friend when explaining to our team the spiritual state of England and the magnitude of the work that is to be done there. This is a great tragedy, as England was once one of the major forces for the work of the gospel in the entire world. It was scarcely 100 years prior to now that the preaching of Charles Spurgeon helped reignite a passion for winning souls to Christ in the country. But modernism/postmodernism come at a great spiritual cost, one that England has paid dearly.

The hope I have, however, is twofold: Firstly, it was proven to me that there is a strong remnant of faithful believers in Great Britain. The Lord is not finished with this country as He has left many strong workers to contend for the gospel. It was my privilege to meet many of them: Pastor Paul Newman of Whitley Bay Baptist Church, Helle Sewell, David and Miriam Lennox, and many others in the Tynemouth area. Seeing their hearts for God and for the English people testifies to me that we cannot give up on England because our great God has not.

Secondly, this "loss" of the gospel may indeed have run its course. After spending a week in the schools of the Tynemouth area speaking to Religious Education classes about the truth of biblical Christianity, I walked away burdened by the darkness the enemy has cast over the hearts of young people in England. But I also have hope because seeds of the gospel were planted and the Word of God never returns empty! I saw many faces light up as we unabashedly shared Christ in the classrooms. Many sessions began with "gotcha" questions but would mostly transform into very personal requests for Christian truth and worldview to be explained. At the center of it all was the gospel. It was an incredible opportunity the Lord opened for us. We pray these doors into the schools of England continue. What I have seen in the schools is that the young people are nearly ignorant on the story of Christ so when told with prayer and power it is moving to them. It may well be England rejected the gospel, but it may also be that a resurgence in the hearts is around a hard-fought corner. Time will tell as we continue our work.

One young man, 12 years old, particularly touched my heart as he stayed after our first class to ask us how he could become a Christian. He said, "I want to move to America so I can become a Christian." It broke my heart to hear that his parents had no place for religion in their home and that this boy felt he had to leave his country in order to follow God. We had many lunches and talks with him about his life and about the hope of Jesus Christ. It is my conviction that the Holy Spirit is at work in his life and he will come to Christ very soon if he has not already since we left. It was a sad parting our last day in the schools. There were shared tears with this boy and promises to write which I very much intend to keep. There is opportunity now for further explanation of truth and possible discipleship through letter-writing.

And there is indeed hope for England, for the brief reasons I have lifted above and many more that our great God is working to ensure. This will be a subject of great prayer and reflection for me in the coming weeks and months. Because with the gospel of the glory of Jesus Christ, there is always more joyful work to be done.