DOWN FOR THE COUNT: How the Homosexual Agenda Delivers a Near- Knock-Out Punch for Male Friendship -- PART 1

"Aw, dude! They're gaaaayy!"

That was the near-exclamation I heard a few years ago at a midnight screening of Lord of the Rings: Return of the King. It came from behind me in the darkened theater during a tender scene where friends Sam and Frodo held each other and cried as they said their final goodbyes. I was annoyed at the college guy's comment but not shocked at the immaturity or allegation leveled at the hobbits. Though there were a few snickers from his Frat Pack, most of the audience, I think, chose not to acknowledge him vocally (much in part to the arresting storytelling onscreen). But I don't think my fellow audience members dismissed the comment in their minds.

Apparently I wasn't the only one who had this kind of experience at Lord of the Rings. Anthony Esolen, an English professor at Providence College writes in his exceptional article, A Requiem for Friendship: Why Boys Will Not Be Boys and Other Consequences of the Sexual Revolution, of the same thing happening when he watched the movie.

I've noticed similar reactions at the mention David and Jonathan's deep friendship (beginning in 1 Samuel 18). When I was younger I sometimes felt shamed to say this was one of my favorite stories in the Old Testament because people would say D & J were gay lovers. But even a teenaged, theologically young Jared Steven Musgrove was pretty sure the Bible wasn't propagating THAT. But many were making arguments to the contrary. Rembrandt's rendering of Jonathan going to comfort David at Horesh (1 Samuel 23:15-18) is used in this wrongful argument because it shows David in a submissive position before his friend. (In reality , he was showing honor to his friend).

Friendship: The Love That Can No Longer Speak Its Name
Call it the Brokeback Effect even though it's been going on long before that particular piece of 'cinema' was released in 2005. Now any time the culture sees two men embracing or enjoying the other's company our cultural conditioning kicks in and we question in our mind their intentions. It's why a college-aged camp counselor can't comfort a crying kid by hugging him (He might be feeling him up!). It's why we're suspicious if we see an adult male helping a little boy in a public restroom (He may be a pedophile!). It's why two guys sitting across from each other at Starbuck's having a serious talk raises eyebrows (They might be on a date! I've actually had to deal with this one personally while having coffee with a buddy). There's no such thing anymore as "we're friends" between men. It can no longer be that simple and pure. Our culture now demands there be MUST something scandalous when two men are alone together.

How did we get to this point?

It think it's because healthy, intimate, and God-honoring male friendships have become so foreign to us that when we see them with skin on we automatically assume scandal. We're so scandal-sensitive that impropriety is that with which we are most familiar. We're trained to look for it around every corner by media and an overarching society of suspicion quickly losing its ability to conceive of anything truly pure and good. Most men have never been through battle and blood with a buddy the way Frodo and Sam or David and Jonathan experienced. And because of this, wedded with the increasing call for acceptance of "the love that dare not speak its name," men are alone and confused and afraid.

ALONE

Men are alone mostly because no one's shown us a healthy way to have friends. Many of our fathers made it without friends, why can't we? I would answer simply that it just doesn't work. And we men know that instinctively. We are made to be friends with other men and share deep spiritual things from our hearts. But because of a lack of modeling on this and a fear that we'll be labeled "gay," we isolate ourselves and don't develop a substantial relationship with any man.

CONFUSED
A growing percentage of boys are being forced to ask sexual questions at far too early an age. With porn of all types rampant and free on the Internet, it's really no surprise many guys are exposed to sexuality in all forms before many of them even hit puberty proper. They're called "gay" on the playground only so many times before they may start thinking that maybe they are. Parents provide a PC in their son's bedroom and online they go "exploring." In my experience speaking with college men who have been very open and honest with me about this, gay porn is a growing entry drug into a lifestyle men were never meant to enter. This pollutes their ability to invest healthily in friendship with other boys and creates relational deficiencies whether the porn is straight or gay.

AFRAID
This fear I mention sums up several points in this article and plays out in two major ways : 1) the boy attracted to girls is afraid he'll be labled "gay" if he seems to be close friends with any other boys. Or, 2) the boy may be feeling like he's attracted to other guys and fears getting close to any of them, or is afraid he'll be "found out."


Wrapping Up the Part 1
There are more directions and avenues we could explore. And I have here made some broad statements for sake of brevity. The purpose of this writing is not to do an in-depth article but to begin a conversation. In Part 2 I will set out to provide some helps for picking ourselves up off the floor and fighting back against an agenda that would rob men of God's gift of friends.

See you in a few weeks for Part 2.

RESOURCES
If you are reading this and wish to further explore the subject, I commend you the above article I mentioned. It is exquisitely written and very thorough: A Requiem for Friendship: Why Boys Will Not Be Boys and Other Consequences of the Sexual Revolution
If you are a young man struggling in the area of same-gender attraction, I would direct you to an online ministry called Living Hope.

Comparing Preachers

I've become consciously concerned as of late at the propensity of our podcasting generation to critique the preachers and sermons of their own church against those they religiously listen to on podcast.

Podcasting sermons on the web is a brilliant and amazing avenue to share biblically-centered preaching to those who may not otherwise be able to attend a service. It's encouraging to the believer who has to commute and would rather spend his transit time growing in grace and knowledge than learning lyrics to pop ditties that won't survive the decade. And that is only one example of why I am grateful for podcasted preaching. 

But I fear what it becomes for many of us who listen regularly is an avenue for comparison to the preaching we hear in our own congregations on Sundays. I've observed a few ways this works itself out, the first being the most common:

1. The podcaster is so enamored with the podcasted preacher that he then unfairly holds (whether consciously or subconsciously) his home pastor to the same standards of a John Piper or John McArthur or Mark Driscoll, failing to recognize those men shepherd specific congregations with express needs first and foremost; and if it goes unchecked, this attitude may further harden the well-intentioned mind and heart to a failure recognize and encourage the strengths and ministry of his own pastor's preaching and how it fulfills the spiritual needs of his local church. 

2. Playing off the feelings of the first point, the sermon critic becomes so to the point that he fails to plant himself at any local congregation and become what C.S. Lewis referred to as a "church connoisseur" who flits from church to church, sampling every sermon against what he considers his competently cultured taste buds. Fewer places do I see this more than collegiate Christians or seminarians who cut their teeth on Matt Chandler and refuse to join any church that isn't The Village. This attitude is unbiblical and displays an immature understanding of the function of the local church in the life of the believer living in an area in which ministry can and should be done.

3. As a natural outgrowth of all of the above, the radical Christian podcaster decides no local church will suit his acquired tastes or standards and decides to pursue a 'private spirituality' apart from a local body of Christ. His weekly feast of five podcasted sermons from the most popular preachers will suffice for his sanctification...

Wrong. 

The natural digression displayed above is one I've seen more often than I would have thought possible. The attitude behind it is one of unabashed pride in the form of snobbery. It also betrays in the offender an immaturity in grasping the essential place of the local church body (and its lead pastor) in the continued march to maturity in Christ.

Don't try to hold your pastor to any other man's standards, no matter how good you think they may be. It's an attitude akin to holding your wife to the standards of other women in media. The pastor of your local congregation is fashioned for a specific ministry in that community. Instead of driving two hours to attend a church for the sermonizing, try finding a local, Bible-believing congregation in which you can serve and not just pew-sit (or podcast in your jammies). Bible-saturated preaching is essential, this we know. But so is establishing relationships with fellow believers for the purpose of sharpening and discipleship. Be involved with what God is doing through believers in your area. Just like those pastors and church members in the local congregation, He has you in this place for such a time as this.